Monday, April 24, 2006

Hello? Life, is that you?

So right after venting my fear and transition... I get a phone call. It's my husbands brother. He tells me Byron (my husband) is in the hospital.

I ask his brother if he is joking... this can't be happening.

Are you serious?... I ask again.

His tone turned to stone.. and he tells me that Byron's foot has been crushed and that they're rushing him to the hospital here.

My veins fill with adrenaline... and I break into tears. I fear the worst for him... that he no longer has a foot. I wonder... is he in shock? Is he crying? Is he afraid? I fear the worst for the person I love the most and all I can do is wait...

It's now 2:00... he should be to the hospital here in an hour... I can't wait to see him, kiss him and know that he's ok. I can't wait that long... I feel suspended in time, dangling for an update still.

(And earlier this day, I was consumed by things that are simply out of my control. I was absorbed by these issues that had woven me into a black web of self pity and doubt...
and now I've been pierced by something that has made me forget about all of that nothingness... I've been re-centered... reminded in an instant about what is truly important in this life and that things can change in a single phone call. I realized I can go from feeling lost, selfish, angry, resentful and spiteful to vulnerable, selfless, unconditionally concerned and short of breath all while my heart has been ripped out... and truly be reminded that in this life, all that really matters are the things we simply take for granted every day.)

Life has a funny way of slapping us in the face, reminding us that this time is precious and what a significant role all of the people so close to our hearts play in it.

So Byron's foot will be ok... it was severely crushed... all of his toes broken and pinned however, healing.
Life has thrown me into a true "transition"... funny how I felt that earlier that day nothing could feel more transitional... and now it IS, more than ever. Funny how I thought it was so bad and that I couldn't make it through the rest of the day, and then I was put throught something truly shifting... and I've survived. I shed a few tears, gained a couple pounds, have given more of myself than ever, but I've survived.

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