Thursday, March 23, 2006

Day 4...

I'm on day 4... which seems like an eternity! I began my purification diet... not a diet to lose weight necessarily, a diet to cleanse my body and rid me of cravings! Here's my diet: limited fruits, mostly any vegetables, and water/herbal tea. Exciting hu?
It amazes me how many things I would stuff in my face without thinking about it... and I'm not referring to an entire pan of fudge brownies, although I would kill for one right now, I'm referring to simple things like a slice of toast, crackers with my soup, dip with my veggies, dressing on my salad... never once did these insignificant, tasty additions once cross my mind.
Now I have to think of everything I eat... because my habits may lure me into a glass of milk, or slice of cheese without consciously knowing about it!

The awareness is so REAL and raw, but it feels good to be disciplined and have the power to do this. I only have 18 more days to go... OMG.. 18 days??!!?!? It feels like an eternity right now... no more dinner out on Saturday night with the hubby, beer after work or falling into temptation... I am alone with my veggies... and we shall conquer our battles with EVIL! We shall succeed...

Mean while, I'm stuffing my face with a vegetable soup my husband so lovingly created for me (bless his heart)... while inside, I'm dying just to dip a cracker in it!! And it's not that I COULDN'T have one however, any veering from this very particular diet could have adverse affects on it's effectiveness... so I refrain from my binging urges for that reason alone... I want this purification to do all it can for me.

I must be strong... the weekend nearing whispers in my ear of a brewery's "new beer release party"... for $5 you can have all the samples and appetizers you want... (GULP)!

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

How Fortunate...

I feel overwhelmingly fortunate recently. I feel so lucky and blessed to have my husband... a man that touches my soul and loves me unconditionally.

It's sad that on this path called life, sometimes it takes unfortune in others' lives to make us more grateful for our own.

My friend who has been married for two years is having severe marital problems. The saddest part is that these things in her marriage that are missing, have always been missing... but she's now just become aware of the fact that she needs these things in order to be complete and fulfilled.

She's never had that spiritual-soul connection with her husband, the connection that we call our "soulmate." She doesn't have romance, passion, spontaneity, laughter, communication, openness or honesty . She is afraid to tell her husband how she feels because when she does, he becomes the victim... and simply shuts down. He had made the comment before that he was not willing to fail at marriage, although he feels that he's failed at many things... and he's almost 40 - she's only 27. Could this be a problem? He feels his life's been a failure and now he sees it's too late to change it? I know she is frustrated with his lack of ambition and with the place he's at in his life. She is beginning to resent him for everything he's not... but has she realized that you can't change someone unless they want to change?
Yet when she attempts to be honest, he shuts down when faced with an opportunity to change it for the better... how hurtful that must be to be on the receiving end of that gesture.

I am SO afraid for her... so afraid that she could be looking at the end of something that just begun. But she is such a vivid woman, full of love and life and spirit and I encourage her to truthfully analyze her life and be completely honest in what her needs are, even though the truth may be the most painful solution she'll face.
But I am so proud of her... so proud that she is willing to admit the truths to her self... willing to recognize the things that are missing in her life are not optional and that she cannot survive as a complete person without these.

I feel good that I can be here for her... I feel strong that I can forget my insecurities, fears and worries and be a part of something so much bigger... support something so much more significant than my lame pouts about pancakes and belly flab. It empowers me... I feel important and right... that I'm where I belong when I can be the rock to lean on. I like feeling that there's so much more than me and what simply exists in MY life.
Through the needs in others lives I feel empowered, stronger and more able... to reach out and hold them.