Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Feeling vulnerable...

It's strange... how I try to think of the perfect things to say before I post. Like someone will find out who I am and reveal all my inner most secrets to the people who surround me... funny. I don't always have witty or intelligent or interesting things to say and while I find myself typing certain things, I then find myself backspacing it away. I need to stop caring so much about what you're thinking about what I type... and just type whatever the hell I want to... throw it all out on the table and pretend that no one will ever see this.
I'm here for me, to release my thoughts and frustrations and hopefully, try to make something of it all... maybe discover something amazing, or not. Maybe just understand myself more. I wonder if this will become addicting?

Hmm.

Currently, I am trying to adopt a more active lifestyle, trying to become healthier and more conscious of my mind-body-spirit connection. When I neglect one, they all seem to fail. This will take care of my mind, I'm working on my body every day... doing things that make it feel good and strong and happy... and as for my spirit, that's a deep journey... one that needs guidance and nurturing and understanding. I have a complicted soul I think... I'm one person exteriorly, when inside I'm struggling to become another... inside of me, my real self is dying to come out...
My friend Sara asked me the other day, "What are your goals?" I wasn't sure exactly in what context she was referring to, but I replied with what came to me first... and I replied:
"In general… I want to be a healthy person… I want to feel good and look good. I don’t by any means expect perfection, but I do expect something other than what I am. I want to be more positive, I want to be more fearless, more spontaneous, more loving, more accepting, less like my parents, more influential, less critical and happier…. Oh and did I mention I want to be great? I want to be just “great”… I want to have that electric contagiousness."

Is that too much to ask.

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